These past few months have been a journey. A mental journey. One of disbelief and anxiety. But through it all I still managed to find peace… somehow.
As I reflect on these last few months, on 2020 as a whole, I look back at what this time has taught me. I know now that I have a clear image in my head for what I want in my life, for myself. I am not driven by money, or materialistic items, however I still crave certain things like anyone else. I am more attracted to finding what makes me happy. Learning to live in the moment can be difficult when you’re constantly bombarded with negative news. So I have to embrace the moments that keep my energy positive, my mood lifted.
I tend to question myself from time to time saying, ‘why have you not started this project yet?’ or ‘why has it taken you so long to figure that out?’. Unknowingly I apply pressure to myself and my spirit. Unintentionally adding a layer of stress to my being because I want to speed up this process of whatever it is life is calling me to do. Big mistake.
I find myself having to take a step back due to my overpowering thoughts and step into the world of others. But I am so easily drawn into the lives of those that cross my timeline on social media. I start to see myself in strangers, what I’m insecure about in myself, makes me question how I feel about their posts. Makes me conjure up faults in others that don’t actually exist. I look at their success and begin to compare myself. Then the vicious cycle of adding another layer of stress to my already heavy heart continues.
My take away from this year so far is that I live in my head. My mind has a lot of power over my emotions and I need to get out of this habit. For the most part, I am in control. But some days are tougher than others. It’s good to take a break from social media, from the hold it has on my mental health. I do this more often than I used to and feel like it cleanses my spirit.
I know that a lot of my emotion comes from my thoughts. I know I have the power to change what I am thinking. I am more powerful than my fears. My anxiety does not define me. I believe I have everything under control when put into perspective. I am strong. My mind may be going through the motions but I won’t let that be a battlefield for my happiness, or my peace.
-Seraphina
Words By Seraphina 